fun non-violent threats to use
- i hope every time you reblog a post that you loved, one of your followers reblogs it from you with “LOL. this is the worst post i’ve ever seen”, followed by 6 paragraphs of profanity-filled vitriol and GIF images from a tv show you can’t stand
- i hope so many people do this that even if you block them there’s always more next time and you slowly grow to realize that everyone who reads your blog is totally incompatible with your personality and likes
- i hope next time you’re dressed to impress a pigeon poops a REALLY NASTY DISCOLORED POOP all over you and it stains
- i hope you go to the movies and buy a large popcorn and get jostled by someone on their cell phone on your way into the theater and time seems to slow down as you watch all of it go all over the nasty sticky crud-encrusted floor and you brought exactly enough money to buy it and they won’t give you a free refill so you don’t get to have another popcorn
- i hope one day you have stomach problems and it’s so urgent you have to use the public restroom and you realize a little too late that there’s no toilet paper and you ask the person in the next stall to get you some and they pretend not to hear you and you’re so embarrassed that you don’t repeat yourself and you end up having to use a sock or something
- i hope you walk into the kitchen sometime and you see a piece of chocolate sitting on the desk and decide to take a bite because you’ve always shared your chocolate with your roommates and as your teeth sink in you realize that it’s actually an incredibly blackened, old, vile piece of chicken that was about to be thrown out
- i hope when you’ve been up all night working on a paper or something you start to doze off and a piece of your hair starts tickling your nose and you blow repeatedly to get it out of your face and finally your eyes snap open and it takes a second for you to focus on the hair because it’s actually a daddy long legs spider that came down from the ceiling and it’s gently moving its legs around right in your face
- i hope you go to dinner at your friend’s house and they’re really cool and you’re having a great time and right before you eat you happen to pick up the nicest plate they own (so nice that there’s no way it was going to actually be used for dinner) and you drop it and it was a heirloom that meant a lot to them and they say it’s OK but you can tell they’re actually really irritated at you and just don’t want a confrontation and you stand there awkwardly while they sweep up the pieces and your interactions are sort of strained after that
- i hope you end up cutting into all your fruits before they’re ripe for the rest of your life
(Source: marcovicci)
